We've come to the end of another school year, and it's time to say shalom...
This time of year, it is easy to marvel at our students’ – your children’s – growth and maturity. Each and every one of them is now doing things they were not doing at the beginning of the year. Two year olds are taking turns, three year olds are pouring their own water at snack, four year olds are doing their own zippers and buttons, and writing with inventive spelling.
Each growth – each gain – is hard-fought and hard-earned. The long, slow, steady march of development does not come easy. A two year old taking turns is the result of hundreds (thousands) of moments of grabbing and yelling; a three year old pouring water only comes after months of spills and paper-towel-cleanups; four year olds only zip up their jackets after a whole winter of practice; and begin to spell only after years of turning the lines and curves of their scribbling into letter-like shapes.
None of this, in other words, is a “light switch” – you don’t turn skills on suddenly after a dormant period. They are always emerging; children are always on the precipice of their next major breakthrough. She’s in her Olympic training period; he’s putting in his 10,000 hours.
The jargon for what we're getting at is “frustration tolerance." Frustration tolerance is the three year old attempting to pour their water knowing it will likely spill; it is the four year old stubbornly refusing assistance with their zipper, determined to get it right this time. It is your toddler barking back at you, “Me do it!”, on tasks you know they can’t yet do. It is the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on it – whatever “it” is.
As adults we are all too prone to step in, to intervene. To button the jacket, to resolve the dispute, to snap the Legos together. The beautiful thing about frustration tolerance is that we can help grow this in our children by…doing less. By biting our tongue, by sitting on our thumbs, by quietly backpedaling just as the going gets tough. This approach to child development acknowledges that growth is hard, but also that children are persistent and capable; it rests on the fact that there is no “light switch” to the acquisition of skills and maturity – there is only trying. When we intervene too early in our child’s struggles, we rob them of opportunities to develop frustration tolerance. Your child is already motivated – that’s why their trying to do whatever “it” is! Our early intervention sends the clear message, even if unintended – “We both know you can’t do this, so I’ll do it for you.” The thing to marvel at, this time of year, is not the new skills our children show off, but at just how hard they worked to develop them.
As we turn towards summer, we encourage you to keep “frustration tolerance” in mind as an invaluable tool in all your child’s learning and growth.  And let us extend our deepest appreciation and gratitude to each and every one of our families for having faith in our staff and in the philosophy of our school. The joy we have had with your children this year is indescribable.  Have a wonderful summer, Ronnie and Shery
